hey guys here’s my review of how much various horror movies fit their titles
scream: there is a respectable amount of screaming. could have been called “guy in a screamy mask with a knife” but they took a risk with the title and I respect that 7/10
the descent: there is a good amount of descending in this movie 8/10
it follows: it does, in fact, follow 9/10
Oculus: dumb. Idk what oculus means and I don’t care. shld have been called “murder mirror” 0/10
the babadook: movie is based around an entity known as the babadook. very good 10/10
creep: I guess the guy is fairly creepy, but I i wish the title was a little more specific. Work the wolf mask in there next time 5/10
the exorcist: there is an exorcist 8/10
the houses that October built: October can’t build houses. It’s a month. Idiots. 2/10 because it does, at least, take place in October
silent hill: I don’t think there are any hills that are more silent than the average hill in this movie 1/10
paranormal activity: there is activity that is fairly paranormal 9/10
the blair witch project: I guess what they’re doing could be counted as a project, and it DOES involve the blair witch, but I’d call it more of a “documentary” than a “project” 7/10
split: there are, to the best of my knowledge, no splits of either the gymnastic or banana variety in this movie 0/10
the midnight meat train: there is a train at midnight, and some meat themes throughout the movie, but the train itself is not filled with meat 6/10
the conjuring: nothing is actually conjured. they’re actually trying to get rid of something, which is like. the opposite of conjuring -100/10
The Witch: There is a witch, but the real monster is bad parenting. 7/10
Ex Machina: Nothing really comes out of the machine. In fact the robot puts things on. 0/10
A Nightmare on Elm Street: False advertising. Several nightmares on Elm Street. 5/10
Get Out: Man should get out indeed. Audience should stay. Good flick. 10/10
Ouija: Origins: Failed. Not a documentary about the creation of the Ouija Board from Hasbro nor the history of the spiritualist movement. It was all just character relationships and people talking about feelings. -10/10
Friday the 13th: Takes place on the date specified, but could have just as easily have taken place any other day. 6/10
Rosemary’s Baby: The plot focuses more on the lead-up to Rosemary’s baby. Should have been called “Rosemary’s Pregnancy and Subsequent Demon Baby”. 4.5/10
Halloween: While not about Halloween in specific, the plot is very Halloween centric. 7/10
Alien: Yup. That’s an alien alright. 9/10
House of 1000 Corpses: I admire this movie’s goal of 1000 dead bodies in a single film, but it falls dreadfully short of its mark. There are only 78-124 corpses in this movie, depending on what you define as a “corpse”. 78-124/1000
the hills have eyes: actually, none of the hills have any eyes, and they aren’t even very impressive or noticeable hills in the first place. but i guess hills do play a role. 3/10
saw: the saw doesn’t really play an important role until the end, would have made more sense to call it shackles or room or game. 1/10
the shining: the power of that name comes up only twice, saves no-one. should have been called something like “domestic violence, but supernatural”. 2/10
let the right one in: a film about letting in a bloodsucking murderous vampire, so i feel like maybe “right” is a bit of a stretch here. great film though, and letting them in is actually a big plot point. 7/10
jennifer’s body: i assume the name is because it’s not really her doing the killing, but her dead body that has become a revenant. ok i guess. 8/10
the silence of the lambs: has absolutely NO lambs and not even that much silence. disappointing. 1/10
a girl walks home alone at night: a girl – debatable, she seems like an adult and is also undead. walks – no, she’s on a skateboard. home – i guess eventually, but not until she has stalked and murdered some creeps. alone – mostly, so i’ll let that count. at night – yes definitely takes place at night. ok score, good film. 6/10
funny games: not funny at all, actually pretty horrifying! not a comedy about playing funny games! really misleading title!! 0/10
the cabin in the woods: sounds like the cabin is to blame, which really isn’t fair. the cabin is the only truly innocent one in this scenario. does take place in a cabin in the woods though. 5/10
ginger snaps: can’t argue with this one. ginger sure does snap, and i don’t blame her. 10/10
evil dead: i’m not sure if you could say that these dead are evil themselves, so much as you could say that the dead have been animated by some evil force(s) for the purpose of… uh… umm… 6.5/10
the grudge: more of a curse than a grudge, actually literally a curse and not a grudge at all. though i suppose you could consider the vengeful spirit to have a grudge, maybe? 2/10
the awakening: while not an awakening in a literal sense, i guess this did have, like, a personal revelation style awakening. still, this title could have been clearer. 7.5/10
the orphanage: takes place in an orphanage, however for most of the movie the orphanage is not operational and houses no orphans. 4/10
lake placid: i get that it’s the name of the lake, but in a literal sense this lake is not placid at all, because it contains a giant alligator that eats people. 2/10
sweet home: primary location of film is neither home nor sweet. 0/10
two sisters: misleading. 1/10
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