So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that I did not remember ordering. I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I accidentally purchased a kindle from Amazon, and when I came back from hanging out with Catherine, I told my parents, guys, you will not believe what I accidentally ordered for myself.
“Huh,” said Dad very casually. “Did you get charged for it?”
I spent the next five minutes checking my bank account and came back into the living room to announce, “No, I didn’t. Do you think it’s a mistake? But it has my name on it! what does this mean”
It was around the time that I started to sound panicked that Dad confessed to buying it for me (“I didn’t realize the mystery of it would be so terrifying”). Which was very, very sweet and slightly unfortunate because yesterday I purchased a replacement kindle for myself.
So anyway, we now have a family kindle
Me and Mom were talking about the kindle this morning, and she told me about how a few weeks ago, she got into her car only to discover that it had been mysteriously cleaned.
“But who would do this?” she said to my father who said he was sure he had no idea. “A student? A stranger? Someone who broke into my car to steal it but felt bad about how dirty it was? WHO??”
Eventually Dad was like, “Honey. It was clearly me.”
Poor Dad just wants to be a man who expresses his love through silent actions, but his family consists of panicked, suspicious women who apparently are very sure that strangers will ominously do nice things for us
I know a lot of you guys don’t want to reblog those posts about the wildfires in Greece because they’re too long, so I figured I would make a shorter post for y’all.
Here is a link on how to help and what the current situations are, and here is a direct link to the fundraiser.
As someone who has personally been affected by fire, I would really appreciate if y’all could sb this??
barbarian: honestly any of them, but that’s irrelevant because barbarians are designed to have those stats dumped we gotta get into the Real hot takes
bard: listen most people would say wisdom BUT you should dump intelligence. be an idiot who can talk real good
cleric: dump charisma. live out your low charisma dreams. you have Good Plans but nobody listens to you because you cant talk well. be cassandra
druid: dump intelligence!! live out your woodsy dumbass dreams!! you know that leaves exist maybe!!!!
fighter: dump wisdom. be reckless. punch a guy. punch TWELVE guys. get kicked out of a bar. get into fights and then get Out of them
monk: listen monks are supposed to be spiritual and knowledegable shit but u know what? dump intelligence. be dumb punch shit
paladin: dump charisma. make your god hate you with how bad you talk to people. smash things with your holy light and shitty social skills
ranger: again, dump charisma. animals > people. eat leaves and weird people out
rogue: dump wisdom baby!! you got +7654354678 to stealth and nobody can Stop You from being impulsive if they dont know where you are
sorcerer: dump intelligence or wisdom. in fact, dump both. talk yourself out of any situation you get into because ur reckless and dont know shit
warlock: same fuckin thing, dump intelligence and wisdom. have a good time. u dont know how u got into ur pact and u probably dont care because now youve got sick magic powers
wizard: dump wisdom!! sure ur super smart but somebody could be 25% behind a rock and u wouldnt see em! blast spells at a moments notice!!! live ur dreams!!!
when vincent van gogh said “but you must love with a high, serious intimate sympathy, with a will, with intelligence, and you must always seek to know more thoroughly, better, and more”
Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.
Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.
pro cilantro and anti cilantro
Just to screw with us they refer to have designated half the population as “edible” and the other half is “inedible.”
No intention of eating anyone, they just like how uncomfortable it makes everyone.
Even better: the aliens all agree on who is edible and who is inedible, but the humans have no idea what the criteria is
Even better: there is no criteria, the Aliens just keep a running list of whenever one member designated a human as edible or not. People are baffled because the selection appears random yet all the aliens are up to date, so there must be SOMETHJNG
I love this because it implies the aliens possess either (1) a universal hive mind or (2) an intergalactic group chat dedicated to fucking with humanity
“Hey guys Steve Johnson just laughed at my antennae he’s edible ok?”
Beautifuldifferences 