Assassin AUs

frenchkey:

1.      ‘Wait, you’ve been hired to killthis guy too?!’ AU

2.      ‘My apologies, upon closer
inspection it turns out that you are not the person I was hired to kill.’ AU

3.      ‘I haven’t decided if I’m
actually going to kill you yet but first, either way, what did you DO to piss
off the Canadians so badly.’ AU

4.      ‘They never told me the target
was also a trained killer. Did they tell you?’ AU

5.      ‘I’m meant to kill you but I’ve
been watching you for a week to work out how and you’re just too nice.’ AU

6.      ‘I’m intrigued; the last three
attempts on my life were much better funded and prepared.’ AU

7.      ‘All my intel said you’re not
meant to be back until next week and I’m sitting here using your flat as a
sniper nest to kill a bad guy. This is awkward.’ AU

8.      ‘I can only assume we’re both
missing part of the story here because that was supposed to kill you.’ AU

9.      ‘Dude, you just shot my arm off.
Do they not hire assassins with an aim anymore?’ AU

10.  ‘Explain to me one more time, why
exactly are you so desperate to buy this much Ricin?’ AU

11.  ‘So let me get this straight. You
nuked my entire home city and you still didn’t
manage to kill me?’ AU

12.  ‘Dude, no. If you kill me that
just leaves you, the crazy guy and the CAT!’ AU

13.  ‘I don’t know who you are or how
you got in here but I need you to give back at least some of the armoury.’ AU

14.  ‘Having drawn the short straw I’m
the guy who has to explain to you why we can’t take out a hit on an entire
landmass.’ AU

15.  ‘Look, I know we got off on the
wrong foot back there but we are literally the only two people on this boat who
are not assassins, so…’ AU

For the writing meme: Tim&Dami “The answer is always blood magic” I can just hear the tired/sarcastic/done/exasperated tone of voice either of them would use for that. Please and thank you. Also, it’s a Dragon Age quote and I’m unable to pass it up.

chibinightowl:

Lookie what I got done tonight! Set in the same universe as How to Summon Me on a Monday Morning.

~*~*~

Damian scowls fiercely at Tim, his little face puckered up even worse than the time he was forced to admit Tim was right about something. That’s a good memory, but now is not the time for happy thoughts or pixie dust.

“You will undo this, Drake.”

“I’m trying, Damian,” Tim replies just as crossly, flipping through his spellbook. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m not exactly thrilled about it either.”

“This is all your fault.”

Tim slams the book shut and glares at the boy. “You’re the one who went through my spellbook in the first place. Try again.”

For a brief moment, Damian has the grace to look shamefaced, his gaze dropping to the carefully sealed cardboard box at his feet. It’s hard to miss the protective symbols drawn on the lid and along each side of the box. There’s probably even symbols on the bottom. “I was trying to find something to help her.”

This is why Tim can’t be righteously furious at the young animagus. Damian is so in tune with the needs of animals that the family swears he’s more empath than mage. Thank the gods he is still too young to shape-shift.

“I know and that’s the only reason why I haven’t turned you into a toad.”

The now undead cat in the box lets out a ghastly hiss that manages to send chills down Tim’s spine. From the looks of it, Damian is spooked too.

Good.

Tim opens his book again and flips to the spell he’s fairly certain Damian tried on his own. It’s the only one that deals with raising the dead, although the spell on the next page is one he uses more often, which is banishing the magics used to raise the creatures. “Does this look familiar?”

Damian leans cautiously across the table, trying to avoid knocking into anything. “Yes, I believe so. I recall the part about this being a blood spell.”

Shaking his head, Tim grumbles under his breath. “The answer is always blood magic. Stupid half-hearted sacrifices.”

“What was that, Drake? I believe Pennyworth has stated more than once that you shouldn’t mumble.”

Tim glares. This is why he doesn’t live at home anymore, even if it does mean he has to cook and clean for himself. “When you’re performing necromancy, it’s the act of killing one creature and releasing their life energy that’s used primarily to fuel the spell to raise the undead. The greater the sacrifice, the more powerful the spell.” He pushes his glasses up his nose. “What did you kill?”

Damian stands stiffly even as his dead cat howls again. This time, it doesn’t bother Tim so much. In fact, if he could get away with it, this would be a great way to scare away those pesky sales people who insist on knocking on his door all the time. How they manage to get past his wards, he hasn’t a clue.

“I didn’t kill anything,” the boy replies proudly.

“Then that’s why Athena is trying to eat you,” Tim retorts without missing a beat. “Did you really think you could raise the dead without sacrificing something?”

“I spilled over a third of a cup of my own blood.”

Tim frowns and tries really hard not to strangle Damian. There’s only one way to deal with this now. “No wonder she turned out like this. Give me the box.”

Damian stands protectively in front of it. “I will not let you hurt her.”

“The cat is dead, she won’t feel a thing,” Tim says. “You know this as well as I do, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

The kid sighs and looks away. They both pretend those aren’t tears he’s battling against in his eyes. “Fine,” Damian says after a moment. “Just…can I watch?”

Tim thinks about it briefly. It’s entirely possible the cat is possessed and if she is, then he’ll need Jason to help banish the demon, however minor it is. Summoner he may be, but he also has a surprising talent for holy magic.

“Probably not,” he replies. “If she’s what I think she is now, I’ll need to call Jason and have him bring that flaming knife of his.” The one that burns blue from holy flames when in the presence of evil. Like in that one movie they like to watch and make fun of before moving on to more interesting things than wasting their time on a movie they’ve seen a million times already.

Damian shakes his head resolutely. “I’m the one who did this to Athena. I should see it through to the end.”

It’s a brave statement for a twelve year old boy but Tim rises from his work table to place a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t want you to see this,” he says. “Remember her as the cat she was before.”

Not as the screaming doorstop he’s still half tempted to turn her into. Perhaps he can find a stuffed one online that he can reanimate. If anything, it would be an amusing way to spend Halloween and give the trick-or-treaters something to really scream about. He used to have a bird that would dive bomb unwanted visitors until Jason shot it.

Once again, they both pretend Damian isn’t crying when he turns his head away to stare at the wall and the gloomy bookcase full of arcane crap Tim inherited from his parents. Neither of them were exceptionally powerful in their craft but he makes up for that in spades.

“Okay,” Damian says in a small voice. “Will I be able to lay her to rest when you’re done?”

Tim nods. “I’ll make sure to save the all ashes for you.” All things considered, he feels he’s being a great big brother for not keeping some of the ashes aside for spell components. It would be well within his right to demand such and Damian knows it. “You should go now.”

Damian nods again and kneels in front of the now growling box. “I’m sorry, Athena. I should have known better. Farewell.”

The growling turns into a shriek as Damian leaves the room. Tim waits until he’s left the house before slipping on a pair of rune-stitched gardening gloves. He’ll need all the protection he can get.

Kneeling in front of the box, Tim carefully opens the lid. “Let’s see what we’re dealing with.”

He slams it shut almost instantly as a malevolent aura fills the room. “Shit.”

Well then. Time to call his other half. Picking up his phone, he presses his second most used speed dial. “Hey, Jace…you won’t believe what Damian did this time…”