I had a dream that Kirby single handedly made it to the final round of a Pokémon tournament because nobody wanted to admit they had no idea what kind of Pokémon he was
Step one: let him hide or shy away from you if he wants to. He wouldn’t let me touch him for a couple days after we got back from the shelter. His comfort was more important than me getting to touch him.
Step two: make yourself nonthreatening. In my case this meant being very quiet, bringing food and lying down on the ground within his eyesight as an invitation to investigate.
Step three: watch his body language and don’t do things that make him uncomfortable. Turns out my cat often bit when he was overstimulated so I made sure not to overwhelm him.
Step four: draw lines, but not with brute force. Even though his biting wasn’t meant to hurt, I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t injure anyone in the future. So I decided when he bit me, I’d yelp “ow!” And then withdraw all physical contact for a few minutes, sometimes leaving the room. Now he never bites, but sometimes he puts his teeth on my hand and then thinks better of it.
Step five: provide a good outlet for destructive behaviors. Aka PLAY WITH HIM, SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.
Step six: be patient.
Step seven: get lucky and somehow pick up the best cat in the entire shelter. I don’t know how it happened but he’s a godsend. He’s literally cuddled me out of a panic attack. We both really needed each other.
“Salt and Pepper Diner is John Mulaney’s funniest bit” is Xanax/Prostate Exam erasure and I will not stand for it
The overlooking of “The One Thing You Can’t Replace” is a criminal act.
LISTEN, I WAS JUST WATCHING JOHN MULANEY AND I RAISE YOU
HOW COULD YOU NOT SAY DELTA AIRLINES????
Bill Clinton Never Forgets A Bitch, Ever
The responses to this post have been so amazing because it’s reminded me, and I’m sure many others, of just how many hilarious bits John Mulaney has other than s&pd
okay, but eighth graders
….. could be a nursery.
being 12 years old on anotger continent is a great alibi
“Why buy the cow, question mark?”
THAT TALL CHILD LOOKS TERRIBLE
And then. He ordered oneblack coffee for himself.
And kept driving.
LOOK AT THAT HIGH WAISTED MAN, HE GOT FEMININE HIPS
every time I watch the bachelor I think about how much better it would be if it was with lesbians…..but then I think of how it wouldn’t work because all the women would fall in love with each other and not the bachelorette….and THEN I remember the most obvious flaw in this system, the bachelorette could literally have 30 women professing their love for her and knowing us lesbians she would still be like“I just don’t know if theyactually like me”
after careful consideration I’ve decided that this in fact would be amazing reality tv and I am currently waiting on a rich lesbian investor
Beautifuldifferences 